a take on understanding love

I was packed in the far back corner on the side of the bus opposite of where I needed to be. People filled the bus so I could barely see out any window but my own. As we were riding, I was trying to maintain a decent view through the far windows and the heads of the other passengers so that I could quickly knock on the window signifying that I wanted off when I saw the church. I was lucky that someone else had planned to get off at the same spot as me and stopped the bus. When I realized that we had already arrived at my destination, I told my neighbor, who was practically sitting on my left leg, that I needed out. I couldn't understand his confusion, I needed to get out of the bus. For me to successfully step off of the bus I had to wait for about six others to step off first and I couldn't budge the man sitting on top of me. Finally, I was able to squeeze out and make my way to the entrance of the church. I was there to sit in on their worship practice that also served as a Bible Study. Before we started jamming out we got into a discussion about love.

The guy next to me brought up a good question, how do we show love to someone who is hard to love? Beneficial answers quickly surfaced from around the room. This was one: "pray for them and respect their space." Amen. Christ prayed for his persecutors so I think we can pray for the ones that are kind of annoying and respect their annoying space. But as the discussion deepened I finally spoke up my undeveloped thoughts. I believe there is a definite difference between showing love and honest love. In fact, as Christians I believe we are called not just to show love but to truly and honestly love our neighbors. So, maybe the question is not "how do we show love?" but "how can we honestly love?"

It's a hard concept really. We're very used to showing love. We all tend to know how to make a stranger feel welcome or well-liked with friendly smiles, firm handshakes and questions about their lives. But when that relationship gets rocky, do we still respond in true love? In the movie Dan In Real Life the teen boyfriend of the dramatic middle daughter tells the dad that love is not a feeling, it's an ability. That's a very interesting statement that has had me thinking. To me, this is saying that the ability to love is like the ability to do a back flip, you can either do it or you can't. Well, personally, I can't do a back-flip and most people are hard to love. It's easy to love my mom but I think we're talking about a different kind of ability. This ability to love is for everyone else who is considered "your neighbor", the annoying ones as well as the not so much.

I think a lot of times when we see problems with our neighbors it distracts us from our own issues. And therefore, blaming our own inabilities to love on the annoying guy. However, if we look at other peoples' problems in a right way, then the Holy Spirit can actually bring light to our own failures and therefore bring us to our knees in prayer. But not a prayer that is focused on anyone outside of ourselves. Instead, a prayer asking that God will change our own hearts to love or forgive this person no matter what they do or have done. A prayer asking for the ability to love. For if we have love then we will show love. You can show love without having it but you cannot have love without the overwhelming desire to show it.

the gift of divine comfort

The wall told me, "cast all your anxieties on the Lord for He cares for you." Even this verse from 1 Peter that was taped on the wall was hard to swallow. My head had been spinning for hours with worries, fears and anxieties about what I had to do and yet could not. So I tried Peter's smart-A idea. Every time I tried to "cast my anxieties on the Lord" I felt as if the words fell out of my mouth like light feathers poofing out then gliding to the floor. Getting no where and received by no one, just a useless mess. Finally, I pinned my thoughts between the roll of a ball-point pen and a piece of paper and I was able to offer up each of my anxieties for the Great Comforter to take on. This method was good but soon enough I got discouraged once again.

I have a hard time accepting and understanding grace. I see this in my current living situation. My Aunt and Uncle generously allow me to stay with them for free. Of course, in return I am expected to help out in her art studio, his bookstore and anywhere in between. But whether I work hard or lazy around I am still richly spoiled by them and it's very hard for me to accept. I see this same struggle in my relationship with the Father. Divine comfort is a gift from God despite the fact that we deserve to suffer in an everlasting discomfort. It's hard for me to comprehend how a God so great would want to deal with my issues, or who I would think I am to cast my problems on someone else. I tend to see the Father as a Dad that has is own things to worry about and if I present him with my problems he'll stress out that I would smother him after a long day at work. So I take care of them. It's not like if I had an issue popping a zit on my back I would just turn to an authoritative figure and say "here, I'm done, you do it." Their reaction would most likely be, "gross, why can't you do it?" Therefore, I pop my own zits.

Alas, I am in a state of hopelessness. The things I worry about are not fixable right now as I am stranded on an Island. Here I have two options. The first is to keep dwelling on craziness and let it ruin the rest of my experience. The second option is to follow Peter's instruction and cast all of my anxieties on the Lord. I would like to easily chose the latter. However, my lack of ability to accept grace is tightly associated with my lack of understanding that He is our comforter because He wants to be the one who comforts. And now I realize this: I will always be a screw up and I will never deserve the comfort, grace or love that the Lord wants to overflow my life with. But, because of Christ Jesus, the Lord sets aside his anger so that He may comfort me to an unbelievable extent full of grace and love.

"I will give thanks to you, O Lord, for though you were angry with me, your anger turned away, that you might comfort me." -Isaiah 12:1

looking to prisoners for lessons on freedom.

Have you ever climbed through a small door that makes the entrance inside prison walls and heard a choir of imprisoned men singing that their sins are taken away? It's a lot more emotional than hearing a well-dressed choir who pretend that they don't have any problems singing the same thing. I think I dress the best and sing the loudest in that choir. I love to avoid my problems. It comes very easy to me, especially since I don't wake up inside prison walls that stand as daily reminders of how my sins have taken me captive. I'm sure that these men can relate to me in that they do have problems that are avoidable but they had at least one mistake that led them to an unforgettable prison cell. I think that these imprisoned Christian men can understand a spiritual freedom better than I can.

A few days before attending the prison Sunday service, I went with my Uncle to the prison Bible Study. They started going through a book about spiritual freedom. My Uncle was quick to clarify that it is about spiritual freedom and not a "prison escapes for dummies" book. The book comes with a video. The author/speaker on the little TV that was crowded by men straining to hear said that the foundation of understanding spiritual freedom is understanding our identity.

Here is my history with identity. I think that with these popular fads of online profiles who we are has been cheapened to Facebook creeping and MySpace stalking. Do you know all of your Facebook friends better than their profiles? Generally, we are known by what we do or like and I think that is why Facebook profiles are often treated as identity cards.

If you haven't crept on me recently, some of my interests on my profile are soccer, music and people. In high school, like many other teens, I would try to figure out who I was especially through these three interests. I succeeded in soccer so that I could be known as an All-State soccer player; I succeeded in music so that I could be remembered as a gifted musician; and I succeeded in making friends so that I could be loved and respected as the really nice guy. Needless to say, frustration hit me more than high fives or pats on the back. I started to entertain the thought of having my identity put in Christ. It's remained a great idea but I've not fully understood what exactly that means. Finally, I realize that identity is associated with birth, not by what I do. This is what I believe that means:

I was born an American, I was born white, I was born a male. Whether or not I strum a guitar, kick a ball, offer firm handshakes and a smiling face or like Cheeseburgers, I'm still a white American male.

I was born-again a Christian, I was born-again atoned, I was born-again adopted and saved into an eternal life with my King. Whether or not I lust after a woman, get impatient with the arrogant, I am hypocritical or I suck at staying in the Word I remain an atoned, adopted, saved Christ-follower.

Obama's tie choice.

Have you ever thought of Obama picking out his ties? The only thing that really changes about his get-up is his ties. You think he wakes up and chooses his favorite light blue tie or does he have his wife or new clothing advisor pick them? Anyway, we've been out of wireless at the house so I am now sitting on a big comfy couch in Rituals Coffee sitting across from a TV set on BBC World News. BBC is my new favorite news channel. I don't think we get it much in the states but I plan to keep up with it online. This is why I love it: It's not biased, it simply presents the facts. These are the ways that I find there are no biases:

1. It's not biased towards America. It doesn't make the U.S.A. to be the hero all the time, it simply presents the facts. It shows how some of America's decisions affect other people across the globe, whether negatively or positively.

2. It's not biased towards a Political Party. I feel in the States, people think news channels are meant to brainwash. I always hear how one is so Democratic where as the other is so Republican. BBC doesn't take an obvious lean toward the Democratic party nor the Republican party it simply presents the facts.

3. Again, it's not biased towards America. It is BBC World News not BBC U.S.A News.

That's the story.

funeral hopping pays off.

I find random funerals extremely inspiring. Death is inspiring in itself in that it raises awareness and questions of the great human reality that we do not live forever despite common ignorance. The funeral of Theresa St. Johns' was not my first experience at a random funeral. In high school, I was at my Grandma's house in Cincinnati when she got a call informing her that a young man from her church was killed in a motorcycle accident. She asked me to accompany her at the funeral so in love for my Grandmother I did. It was packed with high school students and somehow, family and friends were able to squeeze in as well. Student after student, family member after family member, friend after friend got up to the microphone sharing the best of their beloved deceased. His life, brought to light by his death, was very inspiring for me though I had never met the guy. I decided then that I wanted to live a life that was worth something...I did not want to waste my life. A little later after that Apostle Paul's words to the Philippians truly sunk in, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

This time, I wasn't very excited about attending a random funeral. It was the funeral of Theresa St. Johns, a well respected Grenadian woman who died at the age of 94. I went with my aunt and uncle so I could "experience a Grenadian funeral". It was much like a typical American funeral from what I could tell just drawn out. Hearing a number of stories about her passion and love in life was incredible. All I will ever know of Theresa St. Johns is that she was a wonderful, passionate, Christian woman who spread her faith and love for Jesus like a disease. Her two and a half hour "celebration" began and ended with the proclamation of Jesus Christ. Her constant question was quoted throughout, "Do you know Jesus as your Savior?"

Do I know Jesus as my Savior? Yeah, I do... But I couldn't help but think about how every attendee will someday be the one laying in the casket up front, including me. For some, the time is coming soon. For others, the time is coming even sooner. And every single person has a choice. That choice will decide if their death will be the beginning of even more death or be the start of even more life. I believe that Theresa St. Johns' death was a celebration of her eternal life with the Father but also, through her exit others have found life through Christ. So, I am grateful for the opportunity I had to get to know Theresa St. Johns...she was an inspiring lady. I pray that I too will grow to be like my Savior in that by my death the lost will find their meaning just as I have found mine.