the gift of divine comfort

The wall told me, "cast all your anxieties on the Lord for He cares for you." Even this verse from 1 Peter that was taped on the wall was hard to swallow. My head had been spinning for hours with worries, fears and anxieties about what I had to do and yet could not. So I tried Peter's smart-A idea. Every time I tried to "cast my anxieties on the Lord" I felt as if the words fell out of my mouth like light feathers poofing out then gliding to the floor. Getting no where and received by no one, just a useless mess. Finally, I pinned my thoughts between the roll of a ball-point pen and a piece of paper and I was able to offer up each of my anxieties for the Great Comforter to take on. This method was good but soon enough I got discouraged once again.

I have a hard time accepting and understanding grace. I see this in my current living situation. My Aunt and Uncle generously allow me to stay with them for free. Of course, in return I am expected to help out in her art studio, his bookstore and anywhere in between. But whether I work hard or lazy around I am still richly spoiled by them and it's very hard for me to accept. I see this same struggle in my relationship with the Father. Divine comfort is a gift from God despite the fact that we deserve to suffer in an everlasting discomfort. It's hard for me to comprehend how a God so great would want to deal with my issues, or who I would think I am to cast my problems on someone else. I tend to see the Father as a Dad that has is own things to worry about and if I present him with my problems he'll stress out that I would smother him after a long day at work. So I take care of them. It's not like if I had an issue popping a zit on my back I would just turn to an authoritative figure and say "here, I'm done, you do it." Their reaction would most likely be, "gross, why can't you do it?" Therefore, I pop my own zits.

Alas, I am in a state of hopelessness. The things I worry about are not fixable right now as I am stranded on an Island. Here I have two options. The first is to keep dwelling on craziness and let it ruin the rest of my experience. The second option is to follow Peter's instruction and cast all of my anxieties on the Lord. I would like to easily chose the latter. However, my lack of ability to accept grace is tightly associated with my lack of understanding that He is our comforter because He wants to be the one who comforts. And now I realize this: I will always be a screw up and I will never deserve the comfort, grace or love that the Lord wants to overflow my life with. But, because of Christ Jesus, the Lord sets aside his anger so that He may comfort me to an unbelievable extent full of grace and love.

"I will give thanks to you, O Lord, for though you were angry with me, your anger turned away, that you might comfort me." -Isaiah 12:1