When I found out from my roommates via skype that Moody Bible Institute deferred me the first thing that popped into my head was, deferred? What the crap does that mean? Well, I asked Google and he told me that it meant postponed or hold back to a later time. Apparently it's a good thing to be deferred. By "good thing" I think they mean that it's not necessarily a bad thing because I wasn't denied acceptance but I wasn't approved acceptance yet, I was deferred. I've been praying that God would prepare my heart no matter what the results but I never expected to be...deferred. I turned in my application in time to make the early decision. I waited patiently for January 15 (the date the letters were sent out) then I waited anxiously until January 26 only to find out that I have to wait two more months. Ah. Needless to say that I'm an anxious mess. But as I pray I am reminded of Jesus' words in Matthew 6:25-34:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."
For the longest time I thought that this meant that if I worked hard for God or if I was "poor for Jesus" he'd whip out his wallet and pass out everything I need and more. I would then say, "thanks sugar daddy!" and run off. See, as a culture, we're generally spoiled brats and we're like teenage kids who expect what we want when we want it. But, instead of having a daddy that caters to our materialistic desires we have a Father who says, "Why do you search for answers when I am the answer? Why do you search to be filled when I will overflow your cup? Why do you want more when I am all you need?" Obviously, I didn't understand this then so I got discouraged when my expectations were not met. I was too focused on what I would get out of this "seeking first" deal.
I eventually came to realize that if I really, honestly am seeking first the kingdom of God with all my heart then I really have no reason to worry at all. In other words, whether I am accepted, denied or deferred, I have no reason to worry. Whether I have to wait 2 days, 2 months or 2 years, I have no reason to worry because I trust that God's watch is right. Whether I am fed today or not, whether I have clothes today or not, whether I have an education or not, there is never a reason to be anxious or to fret because I have found Jesus. It's a hard concept to live out but that's how faith is. Our faith should be in Jesus and in Him alone because He is our King and He is all.
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