sleeping like i'm not and praying like i'm hot...

Yesterday, I had the revelation that I would be a really screwed up guy if I had never found Jesus. I believe that's true.

It was 4 a.m. before I got any sleep. Between the squeaking of the bed, the buzzing of mosquitoes, the itching and scratching of the evidence left from mosquitoes past, and the warmth of a typical night in Grenada, I couldn't find the time to fall asleep. I've never been so frustrated in search for some shut-eye as I was last night. After much tossing and turning, at 3 a.m. I finally popped up in rage, clicked a light on and waited until I could spot and crush the pesky mosquitoes that were haunting my bed. When I saw the first, I was so mad that my arm snapped out like a snake attack and my hand chomped the thing, first try. You can't understand how good it felt. I eventually, smashed the other two with the same speed and agility that was used against the first. Then I took a shower and fell asleep when arrived back in bed. (To Grenada's credit this is the first bad night of my time here and it makes for a good, miserable memory.)

As I lay nearly naked on a mattress on the floor I reflected on my last couple of hours. Then I prayed. I prayed the usual stuff before I moved to thanking God that I was not as screwed up as I could possibly be. Hmm...What the heck? Why would I pray that? Right away I was disturbed with what just came out of my mouth as I talked to the Creator of the universe. It clicked in my mind that I was praying the same prayer as a Pharisee in a parable told by Jesus in Luke 18. This was his prayer: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.' Wow, I just don't know. I read the tax-collector's prayer: 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!' Beating his breast and unwilling to lift his eyes towards heaven, King Jesus said that this humble man would be exalted.

Now, I believe that it is good to offer prayers of thanksgiving towards God. However, my prayer and the Pharisee's were proud prayers of gratitude like saying, "Thanks God for making me awesome and better than all the guys who aren't as awesome as me!" For me to ever think of myself as above any other is not only ignorant but very proud of me. So the question must be asked, what is the difference between a humble prayer of gratitude and one full of pride?

It's a common habit for Americans to thank God that they were born in the U.S. when they hear stories of war or famine affecting other countries. If you've ever talked to someone who went on a missions trip to a place filled with poverty, you may have heard something like, Wow, I just thank God that I was born in this great country! But do we really think that God likes us better and chose us to live in circumstances that would better our chances of becoming "less screwed up" than others? I don't know.

See, I don't think it's wrong to thank God for these things but I do think it should be much more of a priority to thank God for his endless mercies and grace showered over our disgustingly sinful souls. So, maybe we haven't realized who we really are. Or, maybe we haven't realized who God really is. Either way, my conclusion is this: Whether you're an American, Ugandan, Iraqi, Afghanistanian, democrat, republican, independent, homosexual, heterosexual, tax-collector, Pharisee, prostitute, president, murderer, lover, hater, pedophile, masturbater, luster, man, woman, pastor, adult, teenager or kid we're all really screwed up, we are all sinners and we all desperately need grace through Christ. Personally, I have been blessed with much therefore I have much to be grateful for but a true humble prayer of gratitude is as the tax-collector prayed. So, when we truly come to terms with the reality that we are indeed wretched sinners, nothing else really matters but grace.